Lets be charismatic!

Lets win people over! Be Charismatic!

A lot of us have problems when it comes to talking, convincing, selling, job interviews – etc etc etc.

On this post i will share my thoughts and views on how to overcome all that. One of the main key factor is being – CHARISMATIC. So what charismatic all about?

Read on…

1) Be Self Confident

Like yourself. It’s much easier for others to like you if you like yourself.

Be optimistic. Keep your glass half-full and not just half-empty. Be enthusiastic.

Be comfortable with who you are. Be consistent with it.

2) Tell Great Stories

“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” (Muriel Rukeyser, Poet and Activist)

Speak with conviction. Use words like “I am sure” vs. tentative words like “I think, I hope and I feel.”

Be tuned into humor. Self-deprecating humor can included – it’s ok to tell a story about an embarrassing moment.

Be relevant. Know what’s happening in the world and around you. People want to be with people who are in the know.

Don’t: Confuse humor with bad joke telling. Don’t self-deprecate yourself out of the conversation. Don’t put yourself down so much that it takes away from who you are.

3) Body Language

Be open and approachable (when approaching someone, walk with palms faced outwards – It makes them feel welcome). Gracious and graceful.

Walk up to someone, smile, make eye contact, shake hands. Introduce yourself by saying your name, “Hi, I’m Alfi, Alfi Duran.” That way people hear your voice twice.

Own the room when you walk into it. Think Big movie stars or singers. Get your own personal swagger.

Don’t: Overdo it. When you smile, be authentic. If your smile is not in your eyes, people will know you’re faking it.

4) Make The Conversation About The Other Person

Let the world revolve around the person you’re talking to.

Make the person feel like they are the only person on the planet at that time.

Immediately put others at ease and make them feel comfortable with you.

Don’t: Let your ego drive the conversation. We all have egos. If your ego is in overdrive, check it.

5) Be A Good listener

You can’t remember everything. If i did i would be a pretty smart person i guess but remembering someone’s name is a huge thing. Here’s a trick: When you are introduced to a person, immediately repeat their name. Example: “Jason, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Listen with interest. Pay attention. Engage. Be empathetic.

Don’t: When you’re talking with someone at an event, do not check your phone or look around the room to see if someone more important is there. If you want to find someone more important, make the conversation brief and move on graciously.

Are you charismatic? How many of the 5 qualities do you have? What about your co-workers, boss, partner, friends and family – how many qualities do they have?

Dont have charisma? It’s never too late. As what i have said in the last post, Practice it.

Thanks for reading!

Emcee Alfi

Avoiding the friendzone!

Hello guys (and ladies if you are here), good day!

On todays topic on how we can we avoid the dreaded term of being friend zoned? Is it because you are not attractive at all? No money? No work? Cant speak well? Read on.

you’re just a friend if…

-You hear phrases like: “I can talk to you about absolutely anything“ “You‘re really a nice guy” “You‘re like a brother to me” “You‘re my best friend” and “You understand me.”

-You finally work up the courage to ask her out and she tells you: “I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship,” “I like you too much to go out with you,” “I don’t want to risk losing what we have” and so on and so forth…

-She tells you all about her problems with men.

-She asks you for advice about the men she’s attracted to.

-She tells you excitedly, “I just met this really great guy

Basically, how do men get into the friend zone? There are four main reasons

She’s just not that into you
Oh, sure, you’re funny, charming and fun to be with — but you just dont get to get her shake her socks off. Short of a new hairstyle and wardrobe (or maybe reincarnation), there’s not a lot you can do about this, so don’t kid yourself. Sometimes it’s just the way it is. If she‘s just not into you, you have a choice to make: Either stay her friend and erase any idea of it getting sexual, or move on completely.

You’re a doormat
She has bestowed you a friend status because you’re way too nice, too accommodating and too ass-kissing. She knows she can have you just by snapping her fingers. You follow her around like a moon-eyed puppy. You try to impress her. You think you can buy her attention with flowers, gifts and expensive meals. JUST WRONG.

You don’t have the goods
Unfortunately, money talks for many people. If you don’t have it (or enough of it), odds are you’ll be dumped into the friend zone. So work hard, get a raise, promoted, soon enough you’ll have more moolahs!

She’s Hurt
Based on her past experiences with her ex lovers, she’s most probably scarred and scared for getting into another relationship or she cant even establish a normal relationship with a guy. Sometimes they flirt aggressively but when he comes on her, she’ll react in horror(I THOUGHT WE ARE FRIENDS?) The only people these kind of ladies can psychologically deal with is a non”sexual” friend.

This is how YOU avoid it

Is there any way to escape the friend zone? It’s not easy, but not impossible. Here are a few tips.

Make yourself scarce/not readily available
Stop acting like her puppy and don’t be so available. Don’t get together with her at the drop of a text. Wait a day or two to return one of her phone calls. Be a challenge, not a doormat.

Start dating other women
In other words, make her jealous. If she has any sexual interest in you at all, this will drive her crazy.

Ask her for advice about the women you’re dating
Openly talk about other women. Ask her for advice. This will in fact trigger her hormones.

Tell her you want to be “just friends”
She isn’t stupid – she’s known all along that you want to jump her or in malay we call in panjat, so if you reject her sexually, it may push her to action.

Start treating her like shes your girlfriend
Ask her out on dates. Take her to romantic places. Put your arm around her.

If she responds romantically, be challenging
Keep her off balance. Be a challenge. Be unpredictable. Keep her guessing.

avoid the dead-end zone

Men and women are never going to think alike, so we have to make the best of our differences. Hopefully, some of these techniques will help you avoid stepping into the booby trap of the friend zone.

I hope you guys succeed in getting the girl you’ve had a crush on since primary school or college. You need to GAME up your GAME.  Hope this helps

Emcee Alfi Duran

Happy 73rd!

Dear Mom,

Happy 73rd Birthday!! You don’t look a day over 40, and you get even more beautiful with each passing year. I am so thankful that God subtituted you as my mom even though you are my paternal grandmother.You are truly the most loving, thoughtful, selfless, compassionate, caring, giving, amazing woman that this world has ever seen. You make me want to be a better man and a better son. You constantly amaze me in the ways that you care for others before yourself.

Because I don’t tell you “thank you” enough, I wanted to list all the things for which I am so grateful:

Having looked after me and my sister ever since i was born was surely not an easy feat. I have been a naughty and playful kid since young. I went to a school camp without telling the family and that made you all search for me high and low. I slept over in Sentosa Island with my friends when i was just 9 and developed a high fever after. I did badly in school but you persevered. I stole and got caught but you forgave me. My sister and i saw a ghost when we were young and fell very very ill but you prayed all day and night for our well being. I remember once when i was ill during one of the festive holidays and i was coughing endlessly. You were by my side when i went to bed – The next morning one of our family members told me that you did not even catch a wink the whole night while tending to me.

You relentlessly worked hard because you wanted to give me everything i wanted. You made me my favourite iced milo drink everyday before school and before i went to sleep. I loved going to your workplace and watching you cook while i mend the cashier till i pressed a wrong amount on the till which was supposed to be 5 dollars but instead made it into 50 dollar. And yes i know u paid that amount to your boss too. That was in Beach Road, i remembered because since young i have been fascinated with outdoor stuffs like hiking and camping, and there was a neat little outdoor sport shop right outside your food court. And i remembered because one time you finished work, you asked if i wanted a drink. I read on the board which said ‘ ICE CREAM SODA ‘ I really wanted ice cream… so i asked for that(with my heart jumping in joy) but in turned out it was another soda drink. But looking at you being tired, i just smiled and said ” yah this is the drink i wanted yey!!” hehe i couldnt bear to say it

For sticking with me through those hellacious teenage years that I was horrible to you.. For forgiving me in all the ways I hurt you and for not holding them against me.. For believing in me and encouraging me when no one else did.. For believing the best in me, even when I was at my worst.. For supporting my “crazy” dreams, and not just standing behind me in my decisions, but standing beside me, holding my hand every step of the way..  For bearing with me through all of the times I thought I knew better.. For being my #1 prayer warrior… For helping paym y bills when all hope seemed lost.. For always putting others before yourself.. For standing up for us when people hurt us… For treating me as your own son.. For dropping whatever you are doing-no matter how important- if one of us needs you… For investing in my future.. For always thinking of ways to make me happy..

When i was enlisted into National service, i trained hard to make sure i’ll make you proud of me. You were always in my vision everytime i trained. And with perseverances, i was awarded the Best Trainee for that intake. All thanks to you. And you were there to receive the Plaque of honour with me. A lot of things happened after.. Your accident with broken pelvic bone hence not able to walk proper due to your brittle bones.. Your diabetes.. Your high blood.. But you survived everything because you have such strong heart to watch me succeed in life! Our birthdays are not that far apart from each other. You used to hold my hand everytime we went out.. And now i am the one holding your hands.. Mom, i will make it in life. And when i do lets go for a nice vacation just the two of us. You been through hell and back.

For everything you do for me and mine, thank you. I love you so, so, so, so, so much, words cannot even begin to touch it. I respect you, admire you, look up to you, and adore you. I am SO grateful you are my mom, and I love you even though im teary eyed writing this letter.

Happiest of birthdays, and may this year be your best one yet.


Alfi Duran

10 Benefits of Smiling!

10 Benefits of smiling!

People are always smiling, especially in groups, but it doesn’t just signal that they’re happy, far from it. We use smiles for specific social purposes because they can send out all sorts of signals that can be useful for all of us.

Here are ten ways smiles can be used to our advantage by sending out messages about our trustworthiness, attractivity, sociability and more.

1. Getting others to trust you

In a world where everyone is out for themselves, who should we trust? One signal that suggests we are trustworthy is a smile. Genuine smiles send a message that other people can trust and cooperate with us. People who smile are rated higher in both generosity and extraversion and when people share with each other they tend to display genuine smiles.

Economists even consider that smiles have a value. In one particular study, participants were more likely to trust another person if they were smiling. This study found that a smile increased people’s willingness to trust by about 10%.

2. Smile for leniency

When people do bad things they often smile when they are caught. So is this helpful?

It can be. We treat people who’ve broken the rules with more leniency if they smile afterwards. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a false smile, a miserable smile or a real felt smile, they all work to make us want to give the transgressor a break.

This seems to work because we find people who smile after breaking the rules more trustworthy than those who don’t.

3. Recover from social slip-ups

Did you forget to buy your partner an anniversary present? Have you forgotten an important client’s name? Have you accidentally kicked a small child? If you’ve tripped on a social banana, embarrassment is your go-to emotion.

The function of embarrassment is to get us out of tight social spots. The embarrassed smiles we display involve looking down and sometimes we emit a silly little laugh. This is designed to elicit fellow-feeling from other people so they think less of the slip and forgive us more quickly.

So the embarrassed smile helps us get out of jail free. Once again, the power of a smile.

4. Because otherwise I’ll feel bad

Sometimes we smile both because it’s polite and so that we can avoid feeling bad afterwards. Like when someone enthuses about how they saved a small amount of money with a coupon they found down the back of the sofa. It hardly seems to warrant a smile but you muster one anyway because it’s polite.

In one study people were asked to remain blank-faced after hearing someone else’s good news. They felt bad afterwards and thought the other person would think worse of them as a result.

So we nod and smile politely because otherwise we’ll regret it afterwards. Women, though, seem to feel this pressure to smile at the happy news of others more than men.

5. Laugh off the hurt

Smiling is one way to reduce the distress caused by an upsetting situation. Psychologists call this the facial feedback hypothesis. Even forcing a smile when we don’t feel like it is enough to lift our mood slightly.

A word of warning: smiling at upsetting things may work but it doesn’t look good to others.

6. Grin for insight

When we’re nervous our attention tends to narrow. We stop noticing what’s going on around the edges and only see what’s right in front of us. This is true in both a literal and a metaphorical sense: when nervous or stressed we’re less likely to notice ideas that are at the edge of our consciousness. But to gain insight into a problem, it’s often precisely these peripheral ideas we need.

Cue a smile.

Smiling makes us feel good which also increases our attentional flexibility and our ability to think holistically. When this idea was tested by Johnson et al. (2010), the results showed that participants who smiled performed better on attentional tasks which required seeing the whole forest rather than just the trees.

So a smile really can help give us a burst of insight.

7. Smile for sex

A woman’s smile has a magical effect on men, over and above eye contact. One study examined how men approached women in a bar. When a woman only established eye contact with a man, she was approached 20% of the time. When the same woman added a smile, though, she was approached 60% of the time.

When men smile at women, though, the effect is less magical. While smiling increases women’s attractiveness to men, it doesn’t work so well the other way around. Indeed there’s some evidence men look more attractive to women when displaying pride or even shame, than when they look happy. Less smiling makes a man look more masculine.

8. Hide what you really think

Psychologists used to think that a genuine smile never lies. Fake smiles involve only the mouth, while real smiles—called Duchenne smiles by psychologists—reach up to the eyes. Recent research, though, suggests that 80% of people can fake the crinkly eyes central to a Duchenne smile.

So smiles can be used to hide what we really think, but it’s still not easy to fake a real smile because they have to be timed correctly. A key to a trustworthy smile is that it has a slow onset, i.e. it takes about half a second to spread across the face. One piece of research has found that in comparison to a fast onset smile (about a tenth of a second to spread), slow onset smiles are judged more trustworthy, authentic and even more flirtatious (see: A Slow Smile Attracts).

9. Smile to make money

We’ve already seen that economists have calculated the value of a smile, but can a smile make us real cash-money? Apparently the broad smile of a waitress can: Studies found that smiling waitresses made more in tips!

More generally people in service industries, like flight attendants or those in entertainment and hospitality are effectively paid to smile at customers. But, watch out, a constant mismatch between felt and displayed emotion—called emotional labour by psychologists—can be exhausting, possibly leading to job burnout.

A smile may make money, but it can also be draining.

10. Smile and (half) the world smiles with you

One of the simple social pleasures of life, which goes almost unnoticed because it’s automatic, is when you smile at someone and they smile back.

As you’ll have noticed, though, not everyone does smile back. Studies wanted to see what proportion of people would respond to a smile aimed at them with their own smile. Their results suggest around 50% of people reciprocate. In comparison almost no one responds to a frown with their own frown.

Smile for longevity

If none of these studies can coax a smile out of you then consider this: people who smile more may live longer. A study of pictures taken of baseball players in 1952 suggests those smiling outlived their non-smiling counterparts by seven years… (Lets live longer!)

Now there’s a reason to smile.

Hope this help!

Emcee Alfi Duran
“The Tuxedo Emcee in Shorts!”